♫♪♥A²DeeLA™ TWENteen, popular & saucy!
am i single or attached? hmm..
5th June 1989 gemini the twins BuKit View Pri St. MarGaret'S sEc ItE cOlleGe WeSt (CleMeNti) please leave if you despise me ((: i love my baby, so quit trying-
precious .
GOD AlMighty
cherished, my FaMily
am Obsessed with myself
iLy gFF, Nadiah
thaHOTsexy boyfriendOFmine(:
accessories.clubbing.cute hot guys.
movies.drama/acting.music. cooking.household chores.gym trainings. making new friends((: chocolates.intriguing storybooks.
prettydresses.ben&jerrys. tasmania plushies (:
mocha/caramel frappe!slurps- mascaras&eyeliners everlast.adidas.nike. chaos.forever21.mango.
photography.photoshop&photoscape.
cottonon.la senza.zara.
victoria secrets. apple bottoms.
vintage inspired clothings. charles&keith.heatwave. mondo.pedro women.
dressups for great occasions
brownsparkly eyeshadows!
tagboard .
execrated .
deceived emotional abuse!*shriek-
traumatic incidents overwhelmed by questions falling in love!!*sobb*
any form of betrayal being treated like a fool being TOO fickle desperateguys*major turnoff!* ending up cashless treachery
backstabbed? being disconsolidated clubbing buayas
iHATEmyself for being too nice )):
desired .
meeting my baby, someday :D lose weight & shape up paramour, sincerely for keeping new handphone !
a GIRLSday Out! (:
be the beauty with brains
being appreciated & loved dragonboating, kayaking , canoeing erm.. some real friends?
go travelling round the World (: karaoke-ing learn to eradicate irritants from life change my room decor ((: bowling? pool?
goals/achievements .
keeping this relationshipalive
get into aarts& sports cca iteStudent Council lose weight to 48kg or toned up bday gift hunting!help- 'A's my results,'B's at least vacation with MokCitDut!(:
GPA 4.0 with scholarship*wishing-
find a stable career! engagement? marriage?!
jus now when you called, i cant help but cry.. i miss you terribly & wished i could just hug you like always unfortunately, its impossible with the current situation hope to just forget about you & erase things
P.S.Im Still Not Over You
{ 00:07:00 }
i cant seem to move on.. every single thing i do reminds me of you.. from waking up in the morning to eating to falling asleep, all i had was you on my mind. i cant shake you off!-
after those hurt you've caused, still i need you with me cant i just leave you alone & letting you regret? must i empathise with you by leaving myself in pain? i simply cant seem to open up to other options, i still want you. but circumstances disapprove of it..
i treasure those moments together, i'll keep it for a lifetime.. if the day comes when you've really changed, i'll gladly take you back just as long as im not taken by someone else.. what you did made me so confused about us.. & you did say its over. if i took you back, i cant love you the way i did.. i wont trust you at all & i'll continue living in doubt everyday..
i still love you very much sugar, i need you even more right now somehow, we just cant be & i gotta say goodbye to you.. perhaps we'll meet again if god permits
take care, enjoy your life-
Tuesday 26 August 2008{ 01:18:00 }
to that gf who send me this song, thanks for being my pillar of support when i really thought i had nobody ((: iloveyou-
Sunday 24 August 2008{ 02:58:00 }
Ive Lost Everything. - everyone in my entire life that i felt was dear to me..
now, im so afraid of everything.. deeply traumatised. kept putting my life on the line every day and its tearing me apart.. ive lost every single friends cos i was too afraid to open up to some probs. nobody to turn to anymore.. im all alone. like how ive always been.. im incapable of sharing with my class girls cos i dont think they'll understand.. cheryl? she's in another school & our schedule clashes.
Saturday 23 August 2008{ 23:59:00 }
oh so gorgeous pictures taken on aunty farah's wedding.. this is gonna be just a photo-filled post, enjoy! (:
2 young pakciks, mum & their mumsis, me, amirul, azizithe cake, uncle bob & mamiwah, tok suke g org kahwin ye? (: i fell in love with this *smitten-the gorgeous purple pelamin! gifts from the ladies' side.. & the gifts from the gentleman..uncle dino & aunt farah's exchanging of ringsfamily w aunt except bro cos he's schooling-2nd outfit & i love the green!ouh yes, she's elated. i can tell ((:final outfit & finally, dinnertime!
thats all folks! goodnight-
{ 11:53:00 }
I Am So Numbed By All This. - dont wanna hear anything. please, let me be..
Thursday 21 August 2008{ 19:52:00 }
i head to the doctor yesterday, been having cough for more than a month & its bloody lost 3kg over the past week, fatigue, slight fever constant night sweats, chills, my appetite has dropped tremendously lately, i feel acute pain when breathing/coughing.. doctor said, he gotta do a follow-up on whether its T__________ frankly, im so scared. i cant tell my parents about this.. what if its reality?-
im still coughing blood & my stomach kept inducing vomit.. oh dear god, the only thing i ask of you is to keep my loved ones safe if one day, im ever gone..
{ 14:00:00 }
I've Got My Mind Made Up. - i'll stay, k love? dont ask why-
Monday 18 August 2008{ 11:27:00 }
extremely gullible to fall for sucha thing.. i just feel that this songs are so helpful currently. am so getting deprived from happiness. dont ask why, but im just upset.
btw, good morning!- every teachers are PMS-ing, including Mr Lee? hmm.. completing this MC Access assignment soon feeling unwell but gotta hold on-
Friday 15 August 2008{ 22:11:00 }
sorry havent had updates on daily events (: thursday, i had my SC Installation. sort of like an investiture but the mini version. anyways, coming to school with long sleeve & court shoes is awkward! but had to come to school in sandals due to my injury. pfft.
reached school & had OFA.. i gotta buck up on MC Access. its so confusing!- 8:45am report to SC room but it was still close so went for breakfast. unfortunately, i didnt bring wallet. argh!- i was rushing. had briefing in SC room before going for the Blood Donation in MPH.
ive donated before but they didnt have my record cos its different medical group. but all was well. donated then relax before rushing to LT for rehearsal. thursday ended of well but i forgot about the donation & scratch the injected area. it hurts but what to do, was just plain careless.
today, was so plain pissed with that Annie Soon. what rights has she got?! telling us to go hang ourselves etc. she's just a teacher. calling us dumb, cursing us & all the other mental abuse.. what a teacher! she can be reported to the Statutory Boards for her misdemeanour.
overall, i hate the way she teaches the class. is it wrong to clarify our doubts? does she have to shout at the whole class cos she wasnt in the mood? some people just doesnt know how to control their temper. i wonder what lives they led til i has to be like that. haiz.. human beings.
{ 17:59:00 }
from today on, there'll be changes in how my post are published. i dont see why some has to interfere in others probs.. have opinions on anything, email me personally not tag horridly on the cbox.
everyone leads different lives, they choose various paths.. nobody has any rights to misjudge anyone cos they themselves arent always right. whatever judgements people wanna make about my choices, go ahead. its my life and if ever the choice i made was a mistake, i'll fix it. i dont need creeps to add on to the problems that im already facing.
Just to Satisfy Everyone's Thoughts,
We Have Not Broken Up. We Just Needed Some Space, okayy?
nobody's leaving anyone here. get the facts right.
stop all the assumptions cos it seriously pisses me off. i'll get sensitive when it comes to matters of the heart & i type whatever im feeling so whatever i said in the previous post was merely cos i was grieving.. you dont know whats going on so stop acting like you do! idiots-.
- im sorry if you think i told everyone we broke up, cos i did not. stating about "friends" doesnt suggest to everyone that we've broke up, sugar.. i didnt intend on sending sucha impression across with yesterday's post. sorry if ive upset or blamed you dear. i apologise, its my mistake. i shouldnt have blogged with such poor English vocabs til it got misinterpreted.
is it the heat or just the brain block disease spreading?-
Thursday 14 August 2008{ 00:03:00 }
-Baby,
you dont know how badly i need you.. perhaps i didnt show you much that i cared, never did enuff or proved to you that i do love you ever so dearly.. i cant believe that. are we're gonna be just like friends. acquaintance? just impossible. it just cant be, it just shouldnt have.
ive always had you since the day we became close.. though it took some time for me to recover from my heartbreak,
you stood by me, encouraging, to brace myself & face the world, not run away.. but now, you're no longer mine.. never again. i cant address you as my darling or let evryone know you're my soulmate. no more partner named isham cos thing turns out otherwise.. honey, i cant accept all that..
if only turning back time was possible & i could still be with you prolly ive taken a path that was way off from yours till it lead us here oh sugar, i cant do this. feeling so empty till i almost got into an accident otw home foolish- oh dila, you're sucha dufus!
too late. you might never need me again.. my loss. biggest loss in life. if you're reading this, note that I Still Very Much Love You maybe, just maybe you'd forgive me for ever suggesting being friends at all. I Miss You Sweetheart.. I Still Do Wanna Be With You.. support you in you ambitions. in all, just be by your side thru everything. take care my love.. perhaps, we'll meet again in time.
PS. hear this song, i just need you to know. i love you. 8wks to 091008. g0odbye sugar-
Monday 11 August 2008{ 17:28:00 }
im back from jB. out to shop for Hari Raya Costume(: couldnt find anything thats for tammy though. hmpff. will go there another day. we went off early around 9plus cos didnt wanna get stuck in the jam.
had breakie at Angsana.. shopped around. im smothered by all the pastel colours.. falling in love with all of the new sports apparels from Adidas & Nike((: going "goo-goo-gaa-gaa" each time i come across a sports shop! baju kurong kebaya cheongsam sari are all going pastels this season. favs!
mum dad got me a blouse for bik farah's wedding on 23rd aug.. this coming sat is malissa's engagement(: everyone's getting hitched! *envy- i couldnt shop cos sis was cranky just cos she cant get her stuffs. pfft. what a total mood-wrecker!
bump into that guy-working-at-sentosa-luge with another "gf". kambing! baa~ dad bump into NS buddy. gosh, they still remember one another.
we got nausea on the journey home since dad drove like a F1 racer! grr- things became hysterical when mum was talking bout uncle bob's Lafesta. she suddenly tell my dad to look to his right(: he said, " confirm kalau anak² dia kepala batu, dia sondol. kepala da la longjong.. kalau bini dia degil pun kena sondol! " and he laughed away..
i was kinda lost until i saw the driver of the car. his forehead was so shiny and.. and i reminded me of dearest Ikan Louhan.. *giggles- i lost myself & burst out laughing. we ended up adding to the issue. sister said that he went for the wrong treatment at YunNam Hair Care.. i said he undergo a transplant from the fish, mum just kept laughing..
and dad, made the lamest addition saying that if he grew old & became like that.. he'll shave off my black cat's fur & use velcro to put on his head so that his hair will be as soft as cat's fur.. utterly sick! what the?! it sounded kinda sadist but it aint happening k? we're not that sick in the guts! and we so so love Hitam very much & thats final.
dad alighted sister and i by the 7eleven & we head to McDonalds. sis bought drawing block then sat at the shelter eating our burgers & crapped. thats about it, i suppose. till then, hopefully my prayers are answered.
shitto. i gotta wear sandals to school tomorrow.. my feet's totally bruised. almost every inch of me is bruised. haha! shit happens right?- good holidays and smile always!(:
Sunday 10 August 2008{ 23:05:00 }
i wished i really was.. did i?*shakes head- not possible. im still alive.. i can still breathe normally.. i can still type. i can sense everything thats occurring around me. i still very well can experience that. oh could be.. right? but.. why? why do i feel so empty & dead?
is my body still thinking that im alive when in actual fact, my soul's dead. oh god, have i been perished beneath the soil of the earth-. whatever that took place this morning, left me totally speechless.. did you not realise what you did? dont you know one bit what happened? i thought i could help you out but you wont allow me to.
im aPest, Hindrance, Disappointment,Troubleto you.. true? why didnt you just tell me? i could very well not put hopes on anything. am i really, worst than all your ex girlfriends? shout it in my face. have i ever hit you for no apparent reason. that one slap wasnt even comparable to what i got.. i slapped you ONCE & that was your own vow you broke..
i no longer mean anything to you.. now, i can finally realise that. a replacement from your previous relationship, is probably what i am to you. isnt it? dont you think so? i pushed my patience, pride & ego aside. just so that i could cater to your every wants & needs.. yet.. this is what you returned me? you wanted my help but you wont let me try. you never did let me. not once! never!-
have i been denying the facts for so long? all those things people told me, were they ever true? why did they see it but i dont? was i blinded? did i make a mistake? when did i make it?-
- why didnt you just kill me? why not?! i prayed you had. i wished you did! How Could YOU Possibly Put Me Through Such Thing? What the HELL Were YOU Thinking?!
Saturday 9 August 2008{ 01:35:00 }
i know that its been a week since ive last updated. been busy- the week passed rather fast.. did my PowerPoint presentation & got accredited. doing the BFD presentation was zany, especially when firay is part of the crew (: memorized the SC pledge for upcoming Investiture.
went National Museum on Wed then head for archery.. it was my bad. my mood went from wacky to silence until Thurs. nothing seemed right to me.. Thurs & Friday went off early for mum.. gosh! i sound stupid right now.
anyway tammy dearest, 080808 congrats to you & derrick! have a blissful long lastingrship((:
Friday, i kinda cheered up cos went out with boyfie to town then bugis everything seemed kinda fine. on off issues but we fair it well.. no arguments. we looked like normal happy couples, nothing was amiss. met joellelihaaidil wan & tammy in bugis.. had dinner at raffles hosp's banquet then head for shisha in haji lane.. aidil'sgf came. they look oh-so-very-extremely compatible together.. aww~
things wasnt as what it seemed after we parted ways.. frankly, im so lost. am i just being dragged around like an animal? did i make the wrong choice? just because of cigarettes, im to be blamed. isnt that unfair? dont you even care about my health? tell me frankly if i no longer matter to you.. i will, if it pleases you, make my way out of your life..
- im lost. truly. very lost.. god, answer my prayers.. or at least, somebody.. please.
Saturday 2 August 2008{ 15:20:00 }
yesterday was interesting.. had futsal at Fico Sports Hub. i only managed to play the 1st match but got injured so had to rest. our guys played so vigorously with we were more gentle & not so competitive. our girls played well for the final match! ally & tammy scored. tammy's arm was bruised, she put up a good fight((:
went for dinner at LJS with liha & tammy cos we were so hungry. then hurried home cos i felt sticky all over. slept in the bus til my stop. showered, sms dearest then fell asleep. short nap but it was fulfilling. awaken by an sms then watch ImpakMaksima, something like Tokyo Drift.
ive gotta start preparing for my exams. BFD 8Sep & AFD 9Sep. last Tuesday, MC Excel CA i didnt manage to complete my Subtotals.. hopefully i dont lose too much marks due to that. this Wednesday, AFD test.. wah! im bombarded by so much AFD revision papers to be completed by 12Aug. this Monday's the roleplay presentation. argh! nervous.
now, i need to wash the laundry then help with cooking.. since dearest MCD is still fast asleep((: take care loves! see you soon.
sis, me, amirul, azizi
the cake, uncle bob & mami
wah, tok suke g org kahwin ye? (:
the gorgeous purple pelamin!
uncle dino & aunt farah's exchanging of rings
family w aunt except bro cos he's schooling-
2nd outfit & i love the green!
ouh yes, she's elated. i can tell ((:
final outfit & finally, dinnertime!
