♥

Wednesday 31 December 2008 { 16:49:00 }

bumming while waiting for students to register(:
thanks derrick for that geeky specky!

{ 02:54:00 }

currently, i cant sleep.. idk whether isit the gastric or what..
gotta wake up by 5:45am so i can report earlier for the orientation.
i havent been eating properly lately.. well, since 26th actually..
just didnt feel the urge to eat so i ate only once a day
so since i cant sleep, im gonna cleanse my brain from unhealthiness
bear with me, cos this is gonna be an immensely long entry!

i wanna start 2009 with a clear conscience..
no baggage of heartbreaks/ traumatizing events since 2007
as i didnt start my 2008 properly..
there’s a few questions lingering in my head currently,
i’ll list all as the entry goes by okay? (:

since September 2007, i wonder why i:

was keen on meeting him at Velvet Dragon;
agreed on the date to the beach though we’ve only met once,;
decided why he was way better than the other 20plus guys;
find him suitable though he drank, smoke & had piercing;

after that im uncertain to why i stayed though:

he left me for some matters for more than a month;
i heard conflicting stories about him since the first month;
we had the worst 1st major argument in Jan’08;
he despises me being in ite & my“new”friends;
i gotta know about his secrets by accident while doing spring cleaning;
i couldnt meet any of my friends but he could;
he was against almost all of my interests that ive been accredited for;
he said that A liking him was my misjudgments when i notice otherwise;
he kept asking A to come along on our outings even to JB;
i was humiliated in front of A & all she did was smirk at me;
he went out alone with A while im in school & got my gfs questioning;
i find out about E, things they did & him lying about it until confrontation;
i was emotionally & physical bruised;
he has overwhelmingly weird accounts over the web;
i knew too much about his life before me;

now, somehow i:

still find it extremely hard to trust him when he says he has to OT;
dont find security & comfort in his arms like i used to;
envy his ex gfs cos they were either rich, can cook, gorgeous, working;
can never be better than any of his previous partners;
still feel he still love his first gf & she’ll always be the perfect one;
was kept away from so many things he did behind my back;
couldnt make him laugh like when we first got to know each other;
never manage to please him in any way..

haiz.. thats about it. ive let all this out. i chose not to keep any of this
i feel more cleansed right now.. probably i can sleep now.
wanna apologize if the post seemed kinda hurtful to you,
forgive me, i just gotta let out all of the sudden doubts & insecurity

i’ll prevent harping on the past in 2009, its harmful to the rship
i hope you understand.. i dont mean to mislead you..
i dont wish to think you’re useless cos i know you can & will change
gonna keep having faith that you’ll quit those nonsense..

have a pleasant morning everyone..
well wishes for the new year!

Tuesday 30 December 2008 { 16:41:00 }

finally i came to my senses..
i dont care what people might say anymore,
im gonna pursue my dreams with or without approval
as long as i know it wont clash with my religion
nor isit an indecency to the eye of the public

i will get my Higher Nitec in Business Administration
i will get my Diploma in Finance, Accounting, Public Relations or Admin
i will get my Diploma in Cosmoprof Academy
i will get my drivng & bike licence
i will get my certificate in Muslim Laws & Education
i will get my certificate for a qualified arts teacher
i will get my freelance job in a bridal shop
i will get my double degree in the course i took in polytechnic
i will get a proper man equipped with knowledge of Islam & fulfills it
i will get a man who will cherish & be devoted to his wife..
i will get a stable career to support my husband

wish me all the best as i strive towards all this goals..
i wont wanna be a hindrance to any living soul
just wish to do myself, my family & potential soulmate proud
make them proud of all my accomplishments in life

so that i wont have to depend on my parents anymore
therefore it'll be my turn to support my parents for all they've done
support my husband in his goals & ambition..
& family so that they'll be safe from harm & be useful for the future..
amin.

Monday 29 December 2008 { 13:04:00 }

conversation with chelle over why we hang on to our rship..
its been quite a while since we've catch up on so many goin ons in our lives
so we were talking about men & why their sucha hassle.

some of the things we took as our discussion examples
(main points are in italics & underlined);

boys will alwys be boys, they tend to cheat, they're overprotective
they tend to lie, too egoistic, not supportive of our interests,
too overpowering, paranoid over their gf, despise their gf's guybuddies,
we cant contact opposite gender but they can, they're alwys right
they have rights to befriend anyone, etc.

after much discussion, we pondered why we still hang on..
isit cos we're sick of dating? NO, we love dating
in fact, dating was like our forte but we were alwys too picky
perhaps guys these days are so typical or predictable? NOPE, they're diff.
hard to find the ones with proper character? VERY TRUE!
guys are mostly players & dont follow their religions? YEPP, haiz..

finally, we concluded that its..
PROVE: we need them to potray the fact that they arent alwys the same
TRUTH: we pray they'll quit lying if they say they love us, etc
LOVE: we love them too much & stood by them though we got broken
therefore, we need them to PROVE TRUE LOVE(:

haha! we dont know, but seems like our paths sounded similar
since secondary sch, downfalls, pitfalls, blackhole.. we went thru together
probably giving up on a rship would be easy for others, but
imagine being singletini our entire lives? NO WAY!

maybe we'll get married, if hubby cheats.. we'll dump them!
cos we're career women! so we still have a wide variety of men to evaluate
idk, it was a funny conversation of life & MEN these days.
thanks chelle, glad we had the conversation.

{ 01:09:00 }

granny's recovering well, which is good news..
hear her telling stories abt my aunt's ghostly encounter in SGH toilet
getting to know from granddad that she skipped her appointment
haiz.. stubborn! grandmothers..

boyfriend & me, doing fine.. one point noted,
as the relationship progress, the slightest issue becomes sensitive
idk why though. cant really defined what the relationship got us into..
seems like our expectetions of each other are piling mad!
gosh, very tedious process of growing up..

31st celebrating with boyfriend(=
have yet to conclude where we're heading for new year's eve..
but damn sure, it aint town or those congested malls!
2nd year running of celebrating new year with boyfriend..
more to come, hopefully.

fyi, engagement isnt happening anytime soon
so stop hoping for wedding bells till im above 28yrs old k?
good morning world, i need to rest as im visiting granny later..

Sunday 28 December 2008 { 03:05:00 }

i'll let you think about it,
happy working..

Friday 26 December 2008 { 14:32:00 }

2008 has been a pretty unlucky year..
all thats happened, all thats bound to happen,
idk what gonna occur to my life anymore
things ive worked towards, vanished like a tornado
suddenly life has no meaning to me
wake up suddenly, my love life is gone..
im not what any guy would wanna be with at all
too complicated, too simple, too nice, too young, etc
ive never been the right one for anyone in my relationships
nothing i did seemed appreciated, im always compared
if they knew i was nowhere near their standard,
why take me in at the beginning & waste all their efforts?
i seriously hate the becoming of my life..

{ 01:20:00 }

when will you ever stop all this crap & be truthful to me?
why wont you give up doing all this nonsense?
you wont wanna drive me away yet you're doing all this..
im not your bitch whom you could spit at & command to follow your choices
i have feelings too & i know very well when something isnt right
tell me exactly what you've been hiding all this while..
it irks me not knowing the facts that you've hidden from me
i dont need somebody else telling me, i want you!
i want those words, stories & facts coming from your mouth..
wont you spare me some respect or dignity & tell me whats going on?
if you wanna call it quits, just say it & i wont drag you further

Thursday 25 December 2008 { 23:59:00 }

Merry Christmas!
-to everyone who's celebrating it..

btw, you guys have so got to watch Ip Man(:

watching the stunts, effects, storyline is superb, seriously envy this man!
some parts of the movie reminded me of tammy chua,
as its about Japan invading China.
story of the man who taught kungfu to Bruce Lee!(:

i recommend the movie, so hop along & catch it asap.
cant be rated, cos its a you-must-see-to-know kinda movie!
haha! enjoy your Christmas celebrations everyone..

Wednesday 24 December 2008 { 23:59:00 }

it already 11:58pm now.. more than 5hrs has past.
tensed atmosphere, fidgeting, nobody was at ease since we got the news
everyone's anxiously waiting for their turn to see granny
since she's in ICU, only two can go in at a time..

i wished i hadnt gone in at all..
when in with sugar & was totally taken aback by what i saw
there she was lying on the bed, lifeless.
all she was depending on was the life support which looks like,
its sucking air outta her..

terrified, i never wanna see her in that state..
especially when she was fine yesterday, calling me up & gossiping
she was okay, i know she's been sick due to old age
but pneumonia? or dialysis? it never struck me once..
knowing her white cells are more than the reds
im scared, i dont wanna lose my granny..

god, if you wish to take her away.. please do it smoothly..
dont let her suffer, i pity her so much..
it hurts me seeing her tryna grasp for air like that
please. spare her of all the pain~

{ 15:05:00 }

sugar, has it really been that long? ive lost count. hmm..

Tuesday 23 December 2008 { 23:59:00 }

i think im kinda outdated, cos since its opening.. ive not been there.
know what im talking about? marina barrage, you silly(=
seriously, im kinda upset that it took me so long to venture

waited till sugar ended work, park the lorry & get the car
met him around 6plus before we proceeded to our destination..
expressways are always sickening; jam, accidents & etc
we managed to reach the place after pass by secluded spots

huge place, huge water refinery! & i love it.
the ambiance is just simply so calming & romantic..
dont you guys dare to miss out on this place!

firstly, i cant post all the pictures till i get them from sugar
cos its mostly taken by his phone(= okay?
here are some from mine:

this view is from the second floor(=

i love this view very much(=

there's so much to say about the place..
idk what else to elaborate, all i gotta do now is,
to write a report about today for sugar to read during his free time
goah, im in love again with a new location!

finally, we head to spore flyer for dinner at Popeyes
when we reached there, there seemed to be like a power failure
so the whole flyer wasnt moving & some people were stil on the ride

alright, so we had a great dinner.. i simply love the taste of the whip potato!
the biscuit wasnt so bad, it tasted like bread?-

after that, we headed home cos he had to work & such..
so here i am at home.. gonna sleep soon okay sugar?
thanks for taking me there after work ya, i truly appreciate it!
love you loads, take care.. (=

{ 23:57:00 }

im simply missing a lot of things like
- kissed under the pouring rain , loved one appear outside my house during arguement,
sudden hug from the back, holidays just the two of us, surprise outing,
fetch me from anywhere & didnt tell me about it, flowers chocolates & candies,
watching the sunset & sunrise, song dedication, etc.

gosh, life's getting too caught up with appointments & events!
i wanna camp out someday, enjoying the refreshing sea breeze in my face..
so in need of an enjoyment like right now please!

{ 12:03:00 }

i just came home from council meeting..
gosh, there's so much goin on this upcoming 2009
too many assignments too little time!

line-up of events due for december 2008 to 2009:
29 december - SC room spring cleaning
30 december - orientation kit preparation
31 december & 2 january - january intake registration
5, 6 & 7 january - orientation programme
12 january - cca fair
5 february - meet the parents
10 february - valentine's celebration
11 february - SMP talk at Dover ITE

and the list goes on & on for the other months..
oh yes, a cambodia trip in june to help the less fortunate!
so gotta get excellent grades this upcoming exams(=

the usual, latecomers! doubt people would come on time for SC
semester start, i wont wanna be late for school..
gonna get up earlier so i can escape the bus with that bangladesh!
been avoiding food like plague at home lately
mum's getting worried but i gotta do smth to stop expanding

im done venting emotions, off to a good ice kachang "meal"
also to sandpaper the "i love my bike" bell..
blog again soon, & ive decided to stay with this current skin
lost my creative juices yesterday, hmpff. nvm.

Monday 22 December 2008 { 23:54:00 }

Lianhua Primary School
Prom Queen for 2008

pose before leaving for grad cum prom in school(=

in school with amirul.. i like this chap!

thats putri sorfina(:

primary 6 classmates

with mum, teachers & principal

the AQ gang!

{ 21:46:00 }

sister went for her prom night cum graduation party just now..
i was fun being abled to makeup someone(=
manage to get through to mrs soon regarding the projects
gosh, thanks for the reassurance.. needed it badly!
there's a meeting tmr at 9am for january orientation updates..
now im just gonna meddle with my blog template(=
nights!

Saturday 20 December 2008 { 16:46:00 }

gosh, these three places got me awestruck!

Atlantis The Palm, Dubai
Atlantis Paradise Island, Bahamas
Cove Atlantis

visit the website, be fascinated by the structures..
i wanna go there someday, i'll definitely work my way there
amazingly stunning! the way it mesmerizes their guests.

back to reality, im surely gonna get assistance from my teachers
i dont wanna waste my precious time in ITE, i wanna excel to polytechnic
blogging from sugar's room cos he gotta work at the last minute
oh well, christmas outing with SC on 22dec (=

{ 01:14:00 }

what hypocrites am i calling friends?
i dont care what you people have to say, my family comes first!
just cos i couldnt make it for some event, doesnt mean im out with my bf..
he's at work tryna earn a proper living for heaven's sake!
stop jumping to conclusion when you know nothing about my commitments..

i know my life better than anyone does.. friends? they come & go
now, some ite students attends school for other reasons
besides their studies, far from their initial goals on the first day..
then dont go to school, you're wasting precious money..
why do i care? cos its people like you who causes teachers to go insane

projects are piling but nobody seems interested to commit to it..
do i have to go contacting everyone to discuss projects?
where's all your commitment? learn to organise your time at least..
you can enjoy all you want but complete your assignments first.

coming to school late, not coming at all or falling asleep in class
than blaming the teacher when you fail cos you dont understand
whats your brain for? go home revise if you're so weak at the topic
if you're rude to a teacher, its fine but when others does so,
you said that they should apologise, grow up, etc..

reflect! dont ever judge others when they make mistakes..
when yours, you never even try to fix at all! what a disgrace!
quit pretending to be nice to me when you do otherwise behind my back..
you people cant be trusted & i'll no longer put faith on you..
wasted my time, effort & resources..

Tuesday 16 December 2008 { 00:08:00 }

Starring: Keanu Reeves, Jennifer Connelly, Jaden Smith, Tony Scott, Kathy Bates
Directed by: Scott Derrickson

spectacular is an understatement.
there's no words to describe the way the movie has impacted me..
reminding me of the day of resurrection, armageddon, etc
how much destruction we have cuased the earth..
i give the movie two thumbs up & recommend everyone to watch it!
a sure 9.5/10.. cos certain parts was freaking me out )=

Sunday 14 December 2008 { 20:40:00 }

pictures from the photo shoot at Foto Gallery Studio..
unfortunately, my brother didnt come along cos he had soccer training

these are the 2 best pictures(=

we had fun jumping, rolling, stretching & smiling..
both my parents said," no wonder you enjoyed your modelling life, its interesting
having 2 person attending to your hair & makeup while you sit, smiling."

hmm.. glad they knew it wasnt a boring job that pays well..
anyways, the pictures were complimentary(:
then, we didnt know what to do after the makeover session
cos we were exhausted so had dinner at Al Azhar before heading home.

Saturday 13 December 2008 { 23:53:00 }

went to aunty rozita's wedding at toa payoh(=
dont know so well except that she's my mum's distant cousin..

so here's the entrance to the wedding.

the royal-looking pelamin..

bride & groom giving their Thank You speech

chandelier&the berkats filled with eggs & chocolates

this is the wedding planner, L.A.B Bridal Couture

abg2 kompangs & the ice cream cake!

uncle bob & me.. he's 38 & single, any takers?=P

farhan's family..

dad & nenek singing some old malay songs & khairuddin samsudin!

my mum's siblings+husbans+kids

khairuddin samsudin!(=

briede & groom going off to change attire for dinner

mamy is old today! she's 45.. happy birthday mamy!(=

went mini grocery shopping with sugar & i got strawberries & whip cream!
sugar had his doritos with salsa sauce..
got bored in the car while waiting for him to get the salsa sause(=

got home to change & eat maggi cooked by sugar..
i was like a kid while eating strawberries in the car near yishun damp.
strawberries is the sex, i tell you. okay, nights nights.
btw, her name is BonBon..

{ 11:25:00 }

yepp, i got so bored for waking up early..
childhood photos that is seriously hilarious & memorable

Friday 12 December 2008 { 23:05:00 }

i gotta forsake my green contacts cos it cut my eye..
all the eye product has helped reduce all the irritation & pain!
thankfully, if not i gotta go thru further checkup.

ive managed to gather all the resources i need for my projects..
from Principles of Marketing to Entrepreneurship & finally, Life Skills.
meeting the girls for Sentosa on Monday & aunty's wedding tmr..
what a way to start off the holidays..

so met LOVE today for neoprints & dinner at McDonalds in Bugis Junction
i realised that riding the bike is far more fun yet death defying..
having all the wind in your face, your heart pumping when going past corners, etc.
ok, here's some of the pictures.. no, wait, its all of it actually..

we couldnt hangout long since he had to wake up early for work tmr..
guess what? on the ride back home, he went on the JTC Summit "drop" route
damn it was awesome & scary.. the speed, the sudden deceleration!
cos he speed from the traffic & all the way down the slope.. argh.

told him to go thru that again the next time, at full speed (=
this happens when i get bored while waiting for his phonecall.. haha!

well, til then.. i gotta sleep now, need to wake him up at 6:45 then sleep
& wake up before noon to get ready for the wedding.. nights.

{ 01:25:00 }

advanced celebrations for natalie, ms president aka scrabble buddy
i realised that she's younger than me! omg, im older.
we planned ahead on the surprised of the huge birthday cake..
aunty jo got the pizzas, hawaiian, barbecue & seafood!

natalie was surprised over the huge & wide the cake was
she cant stop blushing.. aww~ natalie, natalie =P
& 2 person had to share a slice of the cake cos its so huge..
some of the excos had discussions with the teachers for Orientation
while the rest of us sat around the table talking about SC

after that, things got kinda tensed & serious.. hmm. kinda lost for awhile
thankfully, everything managed to be cleared through the "meeting"
dearest sent me a msg that got me looking blur for a moment
sugar, you okay? that was one of the un-called for sms..

played scrabble with natalie & as usual, laughed like mad cos cant make a word
im getting addicted! darns. i cant wait for orientation.. (=
off home to get change before i met sugar for dinner at cavana!
its like im becoming a social stalker, staring at bf while he eats.. creepy.
he bought a round soft pillow for me to put in his room. thanks!

playing reversi/othello with sugar gets funnier each time cos i kept losing!
im elated to have one more person to my care, nek haji..
amazing. i love attending to people.. idk why. kiv, 9 & 13 february.
well, now i gotta rest due to the right eye.. like infection.
good early morning, & always look on the bright side of life.. =p

*i can only depend on salihah & su'aidah for projects.
thank you girls for being committed(:
& girl, dont shoot me if you plan to shoot yourself with your own words-

Wednesday 10 December 2008 { 08:28:00 }

photoshop is getting interesting!(=

im awake, yes im awake..
to do my final recap on Principles of Marketing
though i might seem too preoccupied with family & boyfriend
i still do find time to study as i wanna excel in the future

yesterday, i realised that mrs soon has high hopes on me
as she felt the rest of my classmates werent focusing
furthermore, she wished i hadnt join the council
cos she's afraid my grades may suffer due to my commitment
she wants me to go to polytechnic, write me complimenting testimonial

frankly, i didnt know she & aunty jo view highly of me..
im shocked that ive impacted their lives just by being myself
getting their phone calls after school, telling me ive done great
wow, it seriously spurs me to do well cos i'll enlighten so many people..
thank you everyone thats been giving me help(=
i shall & definitely excel through all the guidance & support.

i seek refuge in God Almighty, Allah..
ive discovered relaxation by walking along the shores..