Saturday, 16 May 2009
{ 09:38:00 }
you know what kak etty and kak eqyn?
thank you for being my support this past month..
i know i make crazy decisions and some of your advice werent taken
sorry about that, but i messed up..
anyway, i guess there's no point hoping and wishing for him..
wanna know why? cos he's moved on. fast? yeah i know, guess he wanted it
he didnt msg to clarify nor call or did anything at all..
ive still got a whole lot of his items lying all over my bedroom
guess he prolly would have already sold the bike..
promises werent always kept, i must say.
said its mine, then its not, then its mine again & that i shouldnt sell it
but now, its with him and he's selling it to me if i want it
i cant just take it home cos its no longer mine..
dover graduation with raudhah and suelyana had been fun..
free food, free drinks, free money, walking for hours, falling asleep behind the stage
tuesday to thursday in dover. crystal, thanks for being a bubbly companion
we all have problems sweety, we'll pull through somehow..
the adults from the community centre have been a great..
im immersing myself with so many service & i took up french lesson!(=
once im done, im gonna take german & italian.. japanese?
well, maybe if i can stop thinking of how perfect his ex girlfriend was.. ):
perhaps that was why i always felt insecure, i was never comparable to her..
though ive never seen her face or even her picture at all..
him calling her hot, his mum saying she looks like a model, etc..
my morale went down with every praises about her..
another think, i cant get fat! oh good gracious, i cant gain weight..
thats prolly another reason to why he quit entertaining me,
im obsessed with losing weight & going all leaned up which he doesnt like..
you see, i dont wanna be fat & end up feeling terrible about myself..
im a bloody 56kg for a 160cm.. thats close to being over weight!!
he didnt understand my insecurity when he tells me im not fat
then within seconds/minutes, a hot babe walks pass & he's checking her out..
i mean, whats that all about dude? make up your mind.
when i say i wanna be almost the same size as that hot babe..
he'll give me that 'oh please, not again' kinda look.
is it so wrong to be slimmer so that you'll feel more happier with yourself
and also boost the image of your partner? i mean you wouldnt want your buddies saying
'hey, how could someone like you fall for sucha rhino?'
i dont want that, thats why im preventing instead it becomes an argument..
hmm.. now, he's friendster status is single.. changed his shoutout.
i was going through my hotmail contacts when i saw his msn profile with new girls
added into his network, idk what the hell his doing anymore
idk if the recent sms he sent were true cos he never didnt even clarify
playing squash has been a way to release all the emotions..
the counselling sessions hasnt help, i blame the doctor..
she said im too young to have gone through depression twice within 5years
ok doc, im seeking advice not some lecture ok?
finally, dad's agreed to let me go on a vacation of my choice during the holidays
but i havent got a companion to go with.. i hate scouting for people
maybe i'll go alone to a resort in a nearby country..
i dont know, what do you think readers?
sms me some location ideas ya? (;
with love, dee-.
