♥

Sunday, 1 November 2009 { 14:19:00 }

after watching LICENSE TO WED,
i realised that there so many things in life that you're never certain of
the slightest form of misunderstandings and pressure
could end up with your relationship being entirely torn apart..
:((
to sum it all, the part where SADIE was in the resort room and BEN called
:)) i was engulfed with emotions.
it may have taken BEN an awful long time to clear his mind,
thinking of what to write while scribbling toy trucks in the book of vows
he finally wrote his vows
- on the sand just outside SADIE's resort room's window

Thursday, 8 October 2009 { 09:53:00 }

so thats what you think of me :(
is this the kind of morning greeting im getting?!
you're one peculiar american dude!
thanks la you botak, i mean Mat Salleh Botak Gila :P

what have i done to seduce you? name them.
you need some smacking! *grrr*
will make you eat that middle eastern cuisine we ordered in :)
remember the classic expression you gave? *chuckles*
still, thanks toning me down when im crazy
and cheering me up when i look a little too out of place ;D
btw, hows the girlfriend?-. lol.

{ 02:34:00 }

Long Distance Relationship - LDR :((

being in LDR is very difficult and confusing
family relatives friends mean well, but in all honesty
they cant relate to the special challenges
that come with these romances

people like me have difficulty being in such relationships
or even talking about the possibility initially
i kept thinking, how was i to face the awkward discussions?
somehow i was falling for this man, i couldnt let go
and just forget about him right?-. im not crazy to do such a thing
gave it a shot and i didnt regret :))

LDR made me come to terms with whether my own relationship
would be capable of withstanding pressures
and expectations that comes with the distance..
which greatly require commitment, communication, time, and trust

being in a long distance relationship,
i knew i had to compromise, adjust, recalculate and reconsider
almost every aspect of the relationship..
making the relationship infinitely stronger as a result.
truth is, the distance forces me to assess the
quality and durability of my relationship
being geographically distanced from him helped me identify
whether my relationship is healthy and viable

people are always skeptical/condescending
about me and my partner's abilities to keep things going..
but ultimately i know its only up to me
with patience, trust and care, i know it can survive and work well
even despite the distance.. i always kept in mind
that communication leads to appreciation and evaluation

trust is essential, without it there's bound to be problems
jealousy occurs, ending up with one controlling
which often leads to mutual distrust
distance is a great help to slowly open up to this relationship
without the incessant presence of the partner
the romance stays kindled since we're not around each other 24/7

though, its frustrating that there isnt intimacy,
no hugging and kissing, the time difference is such a killer too :(
difficulties in connecting due to lack of eye contact
and no walks or dinners together :((

but then again, it makes the meetings so much more intense
then how it would be with a local relationship
its the quality not the quantity.
well right now, i just really wish i have him beside me
cuddling on the couch, laughing to silly sitcom
or maybe just looking at each other..

i wanna wake up to march, not christmas, not new year..
just the month of march. i love you baby-.

Wednesday, 7 October 2009 { 23:34:00 }

{ 21:31:00 }

his mother keeps texting, again-.
when will she ever understand that ive already given up?
dont you geddit, I DONT WANNA BE WITH YOUR SON ANYMORE!
ive moved on and it simply made me stronger..
never once did my parents restrict me from any of my passion
even though it may sound crazy, they were supportive!
as for your son, everything is a BIG NO! why?-
because he's jealous about anything.

i cant meet FEMALE cousins cos i'll end up with random guys numbers?
my schoolmates are too childish and boisterous- so its a NO?!
guys friends shouldnt be in my phone list, it spells disaster
heading to the mall to buy stationeries without him is SO WRONG!
staying in school until late to finish up my project = A LIE?
going for any student council meetings = flirting with more boys?!
he cheats then lies = my fault so i deserve the beating-.
flirting with a co-worker in front of me = i am a guy, why are you so jealous?!

MEETING HIM was the only sane thing he thinks I SHOULD DO!?!
- and this still makes him thinks that im going out late into the night
and sleeping around with just about any men?!
im a social escorts, im a prostitute, a cheap bitch? blah blah blah~
given up caring about what you say, i know myself better.
hours day after day, i sat home just so you wont worry while you're at work
yet im being flushed down by such accusations, thats obnoxious!

there's plenty to rake up but this is just about enough,
you dont deserve such a popularity anyway.
for so you realise, im only twenty this year. ive got a life ahead of me..
gimme a break. he's twenty-eight years old!
i wanna live through my pre-adult life too! without this obsessive being.
brain still functioning - i can make my own decisions, thanks.

as much as i appreciate all the times ive shared with your family,
i still dont think you should pressurize me into staying
why, under any circumstances must i do so?
i really wont mind the idea of staying friends with you and family
but being with him is something totally absurd.

Tuesday, 6 October 2009 { 19:29:00 }

so thats how i look like for gym ;D
under whatever circumstances, i dont look appealing.
you old pervs, i dont look anything like a sex kitten in the gym! omg.
an eyeliner is used to perk up my eyes
which by far, doesnt make that much of a difference ;D

messy hair; clipped up

french manicure; protection from getting chipped.
not vain nor high maintenance,
i just love my nails-.

Monday, 5 October 2009 { 19:56:00 }

so the mum calls me, i ignored.
then she starts calling both phones?! gosh.
she text me saying that she went to visit him etc
and my mind was thinking - so, what has that got to do with me?
that dude apparently told her he miss me etc
so being nice, i told her to tell him to simply forget it.
like any mum would be, she became a little defensive *sighs*
i didnt dump your son! :D
he did the dumping after brainless accusations
so i dont see my fault here ;D

Wednesday, 30 September 2009 { 03:40:00 }

went to etty's place ;D
head home then out with etty and mon.
- supper was hilarious, with ott jokes. thanks eh mon.

after supper drove up to kent ridge; damn haze -_-
headed all the way to changi and conversation stirred in..
ghosts?!
went through to the changi village and saw sexybabes *ROFLMAO*
did a roundabout to the chalets, passing by the famous
Old Changi Hospital-.
then back home cos they had to work while i need my gym :))

Monday, 28 September 2009 { 23:56:00 }

tribute to farhan; 010107
reminiscing those times we've had.

that pool incident ;D

remember the meal @ seoul garden? :D

i know, farhan. you told me so, i shudv' listened.

Sunday, 27 September 2009 { 05:30:00 }

;D we'll hangout more okayy ila ?-

Saturday, 26 September 2009 { 07:58:00 }

omg! this kid is awesome.
11 years old with that kinda move? wow!
amazing talent!

Aiden Davis - Britain's Got Talent Show 6
Semi Final 5 - Britains Got Talent 2009
Britain's Got Talent 2009 - The Final

Thursday, 24 September 2009 { 18:42:00 }

so firzanah needed her handphone repaired,
i on the other hand needed drugs ;P well, sort of.
havent had any sleep in 2 days, been rather busy with visiting etc
showered got changed and headed to the industrial area
being oblivious to its exact location - though i knew the street name
i suggested on taking the bus :D *smartypants*

guess what? it wasnt worth the 44cents at all!
the place was like 2 bus stops away, about 15 min walk..
darn it! and we even needed directions to get there. it was all too silly
old men kept looking cos the place was kinda secluded
rushed up, got the pills, dumb reception! and headed back to base

since we were both starving mad, we head to BPP
you have so gotta try this french fries from this shop - errr..
wait, i dont remember the name! sorry-.
anyway, got fries then head to LJS for the proper meal
being girls and all full of energy, pictures we taken every few min :))

for once, i slept on the bus wihtout my head bobbing like mad.
at least thats what sister told me -_-
idk, she was busy texting so even if i did go "hiphop"
she might not have notice it eventhough she's sitting beside me-

we didnt really go on a extreme shopping spree :(
i was crazy over changing my hair colour..
she was, again, too engrossed in texting god-knows-who.
got some tanks etc before heading home..
never knew falling asleep in the bus was so much fun ;D
have a great evening everyone!

Tuesday, 22 September 2009 { 17:46:00 }

in your face :DD

{ 02:20:00 }

:DD you know who you are.
thanks for believing in me all along :DD
sorry if i made your bill expensive, due to overseas calls
why not, you move to singapore? :)

Saturday, 19 September 2009 { 05:55:00 }

gosh, ahmet! :DD
was that really necessary?! you made me embarrassed.
but im glad to have chat with your sister
she's such a great soul :D

looking forward to staying with her in the apartment :D
new environment for me but im glad
btw, you owe me kebabs for this surprise okay? i dont care!

i want chicken kebabs from Bursa only!
no place else, promise? :D

Wednesday, 16 September 2009 { 03:06:00 }

why did i stay, why did i stay?

i hate when he doesnt help with the dishes
even though he messes up the most
and i beg him all the time to help me
he knew that he should but he's lazy so he dont
he's always not considering my feelings
thinking too much for himself
most of the time he's so damn selfish
he dont even realize ive been treating him so well

im so much better than him
he's so unworthy of me
why should i stay, why should i stay
tell me why?

i hate that we dont spend much time
we barely see each other at all
i dont even nag him about always working
i just said i just wish every now and then that you'd call
and i dont know why im still here
i could have any man that i want
he should step outside of himself
to see how much ive loved him
and all the things that he should have done for me
that he just dont, just dont

and i realize, i was in love
and i dont understand
there's gotta be a better man for me
so he should do his time and let me do what im suppose to
because im better with life without him

*sorry to everyone who's been tryna make me realise,
that life without him was much better :(

Sunday, 13 September 2009 { 04:02:00 }

sahur dgn family :DD

we just came back from sahur at al amin, bukit timah
and im super kenyang lor :D

yesterday was sister's birthday and we spent it at
west coast, mcdonalds together with mama, mamang, azizi and ameerul..
did nothing much but just hanging around
since sister loves west coast park's playground so much :D
on the high note, conversation about my travelling has been approved!
gosh, i really cant wait to travel overseas. alone-.
wouldnt it be great?! :DD *dreaming~

Saturday, 12 September 2009 { 01:33:00 }

ZOOM RAMADHAN! :DD

ily you guys so much-.
ite clementi student councillors is the best! :DD
need i say more? ;)

Sunday, 6 September 2009 { 02:40:00 }

outings with cousins are always the best :DD
we had additions today, though..
eqyn brought mas, the guy we met from sentosa
etty brought mon, sort of work colleague/dating partner :D
and i brought my sister :P

5:30pm meeting at paya lebar.
as usually we cousins have the tendency to be late!-
etty came first cos mon sent her over and that was already 5:45pm
i reached almost close to her timing :D
guess who's late this time? :P LOL

etty zanah and me went around city plaza to shop
since arnold chicken was fully booked!? :(
both some clothings and off to sit at the steps and wait for eqyn
she came with mas, LOL. that guy from the flipping group at sentosa :D

after much menyangkong and discussion, we decided to rush to town
to break fast and thanks MON for sending us :D
mas brought 2 friends along but i remember only one of them, JAP
off to lucky plaza, ayam penyet also full
so no choice we makan at mcdonalds, geez.. apedah.

makan pun kecoh, kacau one another but mon kene rabak
LOL, inside joke, cant share here. ask me and i'll relate it to you, okay?
farhan called again asking if we're joining..
so we headed down to al-sheikh :DD

its sharin's advance birthday since he's going ns soon :D
i wanna imagine how he'll look like botak :P
the guys put up a mini performance, especially sharin..

fantastic bro! lets find you a recording label!
nothing much left to say here, other than all the jokes :DD
but too much to share so enjoy the pictures okay?

:DD cepat-cepat kahwin!

faiz, :D buddy and counsellor since 2007.

just us cousins - missing one though :(

mas - the guy from the flipping crew at sentosa :P

farhan the ex boyfriend :D da botak la dier-.

sharin, me and this dude, whom i know since sec 3 *ROFL-

we left really late, around 1am plus cos we waited for farhan
*tsk tsk tsk* nasib baik mon antar :P
cam-whoring while in the car, thanks mon for sending us home
sorry about irritating you with the camera's flashes!

home sweet pineapples *you know right sis, pineapples? :P*
goodnights-.

Thursday, 3 September 2009 { 01:44:00 }

okayy; am revising for my exams right now :D
hopefully it pays well and having that certain MR.T isnt a great help
*lips are sealed* random snap, ;D

Saturday, 29 August 2009 { 07:19:00 }

mira, isnt this shoe colour - lovely? :P
LOL, just tryna make you jealous.
im getting loads of purple lately, whats next :DD

Sunday, 16 August 2009 { 20:12:00 }

Family Day @ Singapore Discovery :D

daddy's workplace had this organised but oh well
there wasnt much to do there.
mum and dad got their butt glued to the entertainment
while we three, loitered along the whole area :D

including this, it'll be my fourth time in singapore discovery
in just this year! omg! LOL-
bump into mr henry again? he was like,"you again?" smirked.
LMAO, him again. so i got a discount card :D

we had fun running around like monkeys and playing the games..
had a mini picnic on the grass patch?! the food was nice!
uhmm. forget that i just said about the picnic on the grass okay?
it rained for a while and then we went home :D

so here's the 3 musketeers :DD

and the two gila-punya-orang :DD

Friday, 17 July 2009 { 20:45:00 }

mati luh-.
datang Lot 1 to go shopping and meet sister,
skali i kena ketuk eat at Pastamania?! LOL :DD *laughing*
its hard to find time to bond with siblings so yeah..
im putting in effort, who else do i have beside my family right? :D

then after makan, she go meet boyfriend :D
i go and jalan-jalan plus shopping all alone, cekik darah betulnye adik
once i was done, i waited for her to go home together
must jaga her pantat la, cos everyday she come home late aje..
mum bising about that so i must cover for her
tsk tsk tsk* :P

Wednesday, 15 July 2009 { 12:48:00 }

i need to breathe too.. i am nobody's slave and i love it that way.
you want me to give my all in the project, i will..
just as long as family commitments doesnt surfaces as my main priority

i hate it when i get ordered around to finish a project
when the one thats ordering me, doesnt fulfill his/her own parts either..
i work at my own pace and i always get my things completed
without the need of anyone reminding me..
the more somebody barks at me to get things done, the more i feel unmotivated

within this group, nobody appointed anyone as a leader,
so i understand that we are of the same par therefore we should seek help
not boss the each other around.. am i right?
and if you seek somebody's opinion, yet you argue your way through..
just so the brochure layout goes according to your choice
then, whats the whole point of discussion?
you just made her tired for coming over then you piss her off..

this is a group project and i know i couldnt make it since i had priorities
i dont lead a simple life,i have siblings to take care of
i hardly meet my bf for that matter cos we are both so busy with commitments!
im no longer hitting the gym after school cos of projects..
yet this is what i get for a simple request of pictures? is this how it is?

you expect me to get the brochures done by thursday
when i dont have ANY of the pictures to input for the brochure..
you had sunday, monday and tuesday to send them to me
but to my dismay, i had to go calling you up so you would send them..
unfortunately, it wasnt send therefore the brochure couldnt be completed yesterday

yet you went over to report to mr henry about this
and not informing him that you didnt send the pictures over..
before the whole project began, you said if we had problems we settle as a group
yet in front of me, you never said anything bad..
but behind me, there's so much story circulating about my commitment

i think its pretty childish to slam you own group mates behind their backs
this isnt the only project that has you trying to take charge of..
i am just tired of you ordering me around, i dont she her doing that to me at all..
if i cant get the pictures by today, god knows when im even able to start
with the whole layout.. budget? dont even get me started.

*september holidays, im gonna go off for a vacation away from this pressure!
my health's deteriorating.. ): so little time to finish up so many things
and people in this whole are getting almost senseless
or less understanding or purely inconsiderate of how busy other people are
you need to understand, you're not the only one who's busy..

throw yourself in my shoes, with my emotions and perspective, see how it goes..
being the eldest in the family and having everyone depending on you
no matter how packed your schedule already is..
it isnt a very simple laidback life at all!
if it goes to the extend that my prayers time gets compromised,
i am so gonna become insane!

{ 01:39:00 }

Breakdown or Breakup?
choose one (:

thanks sugar for helping me out with the brochure
though you were exhausted from work..

Saturday, 11 July 2009 { 14:39:00 }

the song, says it all (:

Friday, 10 July 2009 { 23:15:00 }

imydsy ):

Thursday, 9 July 2009 { 23:55:00 }

just keep reading my thoughts (:

Sunday, 5 July 2009 { 14:11:00 }

fall in and out of love is tiring than doing 5 sets of 30 squats with a barbell..
each time a relations ends, you just feel free again
until another 'mr perfect' comes along and sweeps you off your feet..
and the whole dramatic sequel continues yet again.

here i am once again, tryna believe that love is just another facade of injustice
but i cant, cos i know the epidermis of love is always blissful
and its gets sour once the layers are peeled one after the other.. right?
what exactly is love?i cant get a sense of equanimity..

i can have as many guys as i want as my boyfriend, anyone could..
but how could you possibly fall in love with someone over a short time
like you two have just got attached and you said that you're madly in love with him
and within months, you split up and you cry buckets for days
then you found another and said its love. it goes on and on, never ending..

so how do you define love? is it just a saying or is it for reality?
im gonna leave the question for everyone to ponder..
i know cousin etty understands what i mean, we've gone through problems
that people our ages usually doesnt.. unfortunate soul.

Je t'aime, mon ange.. Tu es mon plus beau souvenir. On peut se revoir? Oui, je me souviendrai de vous toujours.. xoxo,

Tuesday, 30 June 2009 { 03:16:00 }

for some inexplicable reason, when your voice rings through my body, my deepest
emotion engorges and vacillates with the overwhelming essence of loneliness.
and such a urge amounts from wishing to be where you are,
because nothing else seems to matter, seems to compliment and waver with
the emotion i never thought i could have known,
that only you have manged to evoke.

and this seems to be the only explanation i can offer up
as to why i quiver and shake in my solitude, and in the presence of
the very thought of you.. you introduced yourself by your name,
i would never want to enjoy anything more about you, than what you offer up
to me personally, simply because thats how my ideals manifest.
i tried to flatter something more, and not only was i put out of character,
but to this day, i think you took it the wrong way.
which is why, again, i can never say what i'd like to say,
and this time, i dont think so much that this 'fate' will work in my favor.

you may be the first thing in years that ive wanted but couldnt have.
sometimes my spine is too weak to hold my bashful and timid head upon my shoulders,
just to say the things i feel, for fear of something completely unknown.
you do to me without even a single ounce of effort what hundreds have tried,
and failed before they could even have a chance to start.

i will mourn the day i met you, the day you told me your name.
and i will mourn the day i met you,
when you showed me something im sure you didnt mean to.
i will mourn that day, because i know what i never would have even dreamed
of knowing, and now when i hear your voice, you knock down my walls
so elegantly built, and understanding engulfs my knowledge that there is something
better than solitude, and with that comes the regret.
ignorance has always been my bliss, and i had always understood that i couldnt
desire something i didnt know or understand, and now i know, and now my body aches.
and solitude has always been my company.
keeping me quiet and sane.
solitude has always fortified my mind, and now, youve left it susceptible.

and now, all i can say is that its such a sad thing that
im such an awkward being for a match to my ideas and thoughts i could never find,
but so docile am i that i could never admit to it,
never approach you and everything you think,
and everything that i am that i see in you.. ive missed you, 22062009.

Friday, 26 June 2009 { 15:47:00 }

we were never met to be better, we were never meant to be at all.
nothing is meant for anything, and to think,
that by some paradox of our emotion we were above natural laws
and actually in the realm of fate.
i dont know whats love is, i dont know how its supposed to be,
but my guess is that its a variation of interpretation.

i told you not to make me your everything,
and that no one should ever mean that much to a person.
i was right, ive always known i was right,
and it breaks my heart when you dont listen. i guess this all
because you dont listen, but im not really one to point the finger.
i could do better; i could do better.
im so disgusted with all that ive turned out to be,
i cant even believe my sobriety has seen me through all of this.
or that i decided this without any extra essence of inebriation at all,
but only my faux pas, that i should decide to partake
in such a thing i didnt hold any belief to.

youre the greatest thing a person could hope for.
the greatest thing any girl could ever ask for. only im not any girl.
im not like most girls at all, and what made me seem so by any means is
what effect all this had on me.
im not meant to be hoarded or held or belonging to anyone but myself.
insurgent by fault, and i dont take kindly to anyone's expectations or obligations.
and so maybe its my fault, but my fingers arent pointing.

only fools can love and lose. and we may be fools. we may be young.
we may love, or think we love, but im hoping we never lose.
i would never like to say ive lost such a wonderful thing.
i may let you go, i may push you away, but i would be so ashamed to lose some one
so beautiful in every little way. i hope i never have to leave you at all.
i never wanted to be a teenage tragedy.
i never wanted to be a cliche story. i never wanted to.
and all i can say is from now on, im going to listen to my mind, again.
i gave my emotion a chance, and nothing good seems to have come of it.

Thursday, 11 June 2009 { 15:10:00 }

picking myself up from the problems surrounding me..
well, at least dad took me out to get me a new trainer for gym (:
the only two guys i can count on, is prolly only my dad and younger brother
anyway, i didnt get the initial shoe that ive been yearning for
just because its isnt so comfortable for my feet..

so i settled for this instead (:

there's this other pair of adidas that ive sworn about wearing to school
but than, i was afraid it might get dirty cos poeple step on it ):
i bought this sometime back together with sugar at Isetan, Wisma..

i simply love the green and the little flowery designs..

oh well, ive completed my final book for these past two weeks (:
finally! but its all worth it cos im inspired about the contents of the book
i wont share much but here are the pictures of the books..
just in case you're keen about purchasing, just beep me.. i can lend it(:

this is definitely enriching, really? any men interested in reading this? (:

the rest of the books are mainly for boosting my EQ and IQ..

this is the EGONOMICS book that ive mentioned in my past post..

a picture of my comfortable plushies on my bed (:

well, gotta get back to lessons now.. hirman is like in front of me
he's listening to those 80's kinda song.. emo~*
take care everyone!

Sunday, 7 June 2009 { 08:08:00 }

the breakup was probably the best way to end everything..
all these while, i suppose, i just mean nothing.
maybe im just the pain that comes along with that tight slap
the pain that wont last for long but the memory of it will last a lifetime

guess, i was right. i am just a punching bag, vent all anger on me
i wont feel the pain cos im meant to be a puppet..
a simple question, led to a tiff before getting a bruised and torn lip..
gotta face the school with these scars again.

once was never sufficient though i said that you could hit me..
i had to let you do that, to make me realise that i wasnt worth your time
all the troubles ive caused the past almost 2 years..
i was a deficit to your wonderful life
was never good, wealthy, beautiful or perfect enough to be with you
i cant even cook the maggi the way you love it..

the simplest thing like that, i cant fulfill.. what about a lifetime?
maybe i should be like cik rose or nek haji, be alone and not get hitched..
am destined to be that way, i cant satisfy anyone.
yesterday night was the last night that i could ever held you so close
that was prolly the only present i got while watching haunting in connecticut

after that, its all but memories of what we've had..
i dont have anything to hold on to, no more pictures of the two of us..
no more pictures of all the laughter we've had..
all gone, emptied out just within a faulty SanDisk thumbdrive..

just maybe after your whole ordeal, we might reconcile..
just perhaps. or maybe we would be total strangers, i wont know..
i shouldnt wait on you any longer, you keep doing things to make me hate you
so i must leave, and obey this last request.. thank you.

thank you for teaching me so much within this past years..
thanks for showing me what love and closeness meant..
thank you for all the gifts you kept showering though i said no..
thanks for sending, fetching and accompanying me to many places..
thank you for meeting me though you're tired from work..
if im ever gonna continue, i dont think i have enough space to mention
all the Thank You's that you deserve from me..

just this time, since im gone, i want your family to be more important to you
the next time you were to find your soulmate,
please put her after your family, maybe that way it wont end up like this
i gotta respect your decision, i know it'll be hard..
but ive got no choice, no more..

whatever future lies ahead of you..
just remember, i'll support your every wise decision
whether we are still friends or just total strangers, i have just a request
to never forget me, us and the times we've had..
thats most probably the least i could ask for
thank you for all that you've sacrificed.. god bless~*

Friday, 5 June 2009 { 20:05:00 }

Worst Birthday Ever
it was definitely memorable, thank you~*